Settling in Seoul: The best and worst aspects of life as a North Korean defector
Separation from family and fast pace of life in South are challenging, but freedom from want and fear are irreplaceable
Joshua Kim May 5, 2022
A North Korean family in their house in Kangwon province, Sept. 2008 | Image: Eric Lafforgue
“Settling in Seoul” is a new NK News series in which North Korean defectors share their experiences adapting to life in South Korea.
In this week’s column, Joshua Kim (a pseudonym) — who lived in North Korea until he defected in 2019 — writes about the aspects of his new life in South Korea that he enjoys the most and least.
Almost three years have passed since I came to South Korea, and the spring season is once again reviving everything and shaking living things awake as it did when I defected. Facing the Demilitarized Zone at that time, I was determined to overcome anything I would experience in South Korea.
At that time, as I prepared myself for death, I stared at the iron fence that cuts across the Korean Peninsula and sent all my solitude into the dark night on the other side, embarking on a new journey. I am now surrounded by good friends and companions, and that loneliness and solitude are nothing but a memory.
Nevertheless, in one corner of my heart, there is something painful that won’t go away that always makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps that pain comes from the ease of my life now and the sorrow I feel for my parents and siblings. Of course, living in South Korea is not so easy, but this life is incomparable to the one I had in the North Korean military.
I am not well-off in South Korea, but I feel reassured that I can get close to achieving what I expect when I make up my mind to do something and try my best. The most extreme example of this is that I have the right to decide to do absolutely nothing tomorrow and sleep all day. I think having the right not to do something when you don’t want to do it is just as important as having the right to do whatever you want.
The reason I say this is because in the DPRK, everyone is obliged to work, and even if you complete your work, those in power are the ones who benefit. In North Korea, if you want to quit your job because you weren’t being paid, you would not have the right to do so. Having the freedom to quit your job and not work as one can in South Korea should be considered a privilege.
North Korean soldiers carrying wood in the countryside of North Hwanghae province on April 28, 2010 | Image: Eric LafforgueAlso, people in the South have freedom of movement. While I have not yet traveled abroad, I would have the ability and freedom to take such a trip tomorrow if I decided to do so.
In North Korea, no one can travel abroad at will. Even the richest and most powerful people in the DPRK lack the freedom to go overseas without special permission.
What’s more, no matter what position one holds in North Korea, you have to flatter those in power and cannot speak your mind. But in South Korea, those who think something is unfair can seek to negotiate a compromise, and when a compromise cannot be found, they can take someone to court to adjudicate the dispute.
When it comes to resolving a problem in the DPRK, it doesn’t matter whether the other party is the president or a lawmaker. No matter who they are, citizens can fight for their rights confidently within the legal framework. Of course, South Korean citizens should also respect people in positions of authority, but such people do not have the right to unilaterally force anyone to do something against the law.
Something I was unable to experience in North Korea was food from around the world. But South Korea not only has restaurants serving North Korean dishes like cold noodles, but also foods from Europe, the U.S. and all other parts of the world. In the DPRK, there is nothing but North Korean food, and people are simply relieved if they can eat enough to feel full.
The most important things for human beings are food, clothing and shelter, and in South Korea, I have all these needs met. In fact, some days I only eat one meal, even though I was in the habit of eating three in the North. This too is a luxury that only those with a full stomach and guarantee of food can afford.
North Koreans outside a Pyongyang metro station on May 18, 2019 | Image: NK News (file)THE DOWNSIDES
Behind these endless good things is the painful reality that every memory I made before the age of 20, including of my parents and friends, remains just that — a memory. The only way to meet them again is through the unification of the two Koreas.
At first, I tried to deny it, but my previous life in North Korea has confused my identity and inevitably leaves me feeling disappointed, like a second-class citizen in South Korean society.
Of course, discrimination exists wherever you go, so I don’t overthink it. I tell myself that discrimination is felt by the weak, and that the strong overcome this. But so far, I have seen no change. I think this is the first problem I have to overcome in my life in South Korea.
Another hardship I’ve experienced living here is that it is difficult to communicate with my neighbors. In North Korea, you communicate and exchange things with one another. In the South, people consider themselves fortunate if they live in an apartment and avoid making one another angry with noise.
In addition, while South Koreans have the freedom not to work, everyone works hard in this fiercely competitive society.
When I first came here, I found out that I would have two days off every week and wondered when I would get work done if I rested so much. But time passes so fast in the South that even a week is over in a blink.
Vehicles drive through central Seoul | Image: PixabayWhile everyone has the same 24 hours, time felt long in North Korea and feels short in the South. I have a much stronger sense of urgency than I did in the DPRK and feel like I have been robbed of the equality that time provides
Perhaps this is a happy complaint. Sometimes I fantasize in vain about how nice it would be to recover the pace of my life in North Korea. But the life I have in South Korea, while both busy and uncomfortable, fills me with a desire to live and plan for the future.
Edited by Bryan Betts
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